Cucumber stuck in rectum?

Ok I have got a piece of cucumber in my anus and I cant get it out, it's been two days but I am way to embarrassed to go to a doctor, I've just been skipping class and staying in my dorm. Yesterday I tried to use a coat-hanger but this only led to some painful bleeding, I've also tried all sorts of lube and tongs. Will the cucumber eventually be absorbed into my body? If I drink some strong chemicals, will this help the cucumber to break down into smaller pieces? will the poo behind the cucumber be absorbed back into my body? I'm pretty stressed.